Walking down the street, you encounter a folded piece of paper on the sidewalk. You pick it up and read it and immediately, your life has changed. Describe this experience.

It’s a piece of paper from a medical magazine with the headline: “Definitive Cure to Depression Discovered”. And follows: “Soon will begin the use in humans. The treatment has no side effects and in one week eliminates the acute and chronic symptoms even in the worst cases. People will be able to return to normal life after years of trying different medications and suffer frequent setbacks”.

I immediately call my doctor to ask him if that’s true or is a prank. He tells me it’s true. That it’s a new pill that in a week cures depression completely like a flu leaving no traces of the illness. And it works. It will be available in six months. That’s no time in comparison with so many years of incapacity because of the illness. Is it possible that I could go back to my old normal life?

I really want to go out from the dark tunnel. I’ve tried everything I possibly could. I’ve gone to the psychologist, I’ve taken regularly my pills, I’ve tried to do everything the psychologist and the psychiatrist have told me… and nothing. The illness stays glued to me and incapacitates me.

I’m sad and tired, so tired I can’t even explain how much. There is no lucky piece of paper. There is no miracle pill. I would like that my life would be filled again with lots of external joy, songs and laughers, like before I fell ill, but I know it’s impossible.

Everything Changes

Author: Olga Brajnović

Journalist. In my fifties. I've worked for 26 years in a newspaper in Spain. I worked for two years as a stringer and correspondent in the US, and went as a special envoy to other places like the Balkans. Sea lover. Avid reader. Classic Music enthusiast.

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